Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
i dont even know how to be here
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
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