I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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