Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize