Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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