totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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