Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
you made out with another girl for some wings
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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