yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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