I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
