I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
