I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
