Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
