both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We need a shit load of segways right now
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
