Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
