at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
