yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
