My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
