Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
