great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
