Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
