I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
