my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Randomize
