i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
