Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
