omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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