in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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