i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
