A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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