Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
