i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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