Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
