Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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