Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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