His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
