idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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