why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
