you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
