The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
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