do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
