sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Tell her she can't have a vagina
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
