he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
