3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
