yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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