Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
