I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
