I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
