Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
