is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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