We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize