I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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