i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
