I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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