You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
