WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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