Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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