I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Is it penis luge time yet?
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
