his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
