I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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