tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
