dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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