please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
