My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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