we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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