i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
