im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Girls should come with a carfax report
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
