The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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