So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize