It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
