I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
