I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
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