hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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