go do what you do best...puke behind churches
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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