Don't make out with my wife yet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Randomize
