You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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