dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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